Music / TV

Advertising jingles

By Baby Tuckoo

So there you have it, SA’s top 5 jingles of all time; rated, ranked and dissected for your listening pleasure.

#1 Tigerwheeltyre (Tom Waits)
#2 Flush of Love aka “Bathroom Bizarre” (Kate Bush)
#3 The Fresher Fruit Store aka “Fruit & Veg City” (Velvet Underground & Nico)
#4 All Gold (The Band)
#5 Joshua Doore (The Beach Boys)

#1. Tom Waits ~ Tigerwheeltyre (1986) [Columbia Records]

  1. Thunderground
  2. Vulcanized Leaves
  3. Dave, …The Tyre-guy
  4. A Nameless Branch, Johannesburg
  5. 16 Calls To Oh-Eight-100
  6. Tyre With No Tread
  7. Gravel In The Tank
  8. Just Another Puncture
  9. Frank’s Wild Porsche Tyres
  10. Tigerwheeltyre
  11. Valves, Valves, Valves
  12. Holes ‘n Thangs
  13. Chloroform Soaked Overalls
  14. Tyre Troubles
  15. Windscreenbirds

The grit, the grind, the squeal of tyres. This is what Tom is all about. On Tigerwheeltyre Tom Waits truly comes into his own. Like the hot hiss of air escaping from a punctured tyre, Tom grinds and bumps his way through these 15 stellar tracks. It’s a cold sober look from behind the glass, from behind the reception desk, from under the hood… at your friendly local tyre shop. A tyre change is now a life changing event when coupled with a listen to this masterpiece.

 

#2. Kate Bush ~ Flush of Love (1985) (aka Bathroom Bizarre) [EMI]

  1. Running Out Of Loo Roll (A Deal With Dog)
  2. Flush of Love
  3. The Big Flush
  4. Mother Stands For Loo Paper
  5. Pipebusting
  6. And Dream of Waterfalls
  7. Unblocked Drains
  8. Shower Curtain
  9. Watching You Wee (Without Me)
  10. Use The Brush!
  11. Hello Plunger
  12. The Morning Pee

An album that’ll send you rushing to the bathroom to pee. No need to picture a waterfall or a geyser to get the waterworks opened. A right real pee-jerker this is and it’ll be certain to have you yanking the chain and flushed with love.

 

#3. Velvet Underground & Nico ~ The Fresher Fruit Store (1967) [Verve]

  1. Sunday Morning Fruit Run
  2. I’m Waiting For My Yam
  3. Avocado / Guacomole
  4. Cucumbers In First
  5. Lime Lime Lime
  6. All Tomorrow’s Veggies
  7. Mandarine
  8. There She Grows Again
  9. I’ll Be Your Yarrow
  10. The Black Angel’s Death Soup
  11. European Soybean

Healthy lifestyle. Eating your vegetables. Going to the gym. Drinking lots of water. All the things that the Velvet Underground is known for are expounded in this delightful and tasty treat of a record. Peel slowly and eat!

 

#4. The Band ~ All Gold (1968) [Capitol]

Alternate cover:

  1. Tears of Sage
  2. ‘Till Ketchup Comes
  3. In A Heinz Bottle
  4. Condiment Mission
  5. The Wait
  6. We Can Season (Our Food)
  7. Long Mustard Trail
  8. Chest Fever
  9. Lonesome French Fry
  10. This Curry’s On Fire
  11. I Shall Be Released (The Last Drop of Ketchup!)

Ketchup’s never tasted this good! Levon Helm, Robbie Robertson, Rick Danko, Garth Hudson and Richard Manuel really get stuck into the sauce as they produce the record of a lifetime. We surely won’t forget this one each time we hear the catchy chorus from the hit single: “All-gold all-gold. Tastes real good. All-gold all-gold. Like good food should!”

 

#5. The Beach Boys ~ Joshua Doore (1966) [Capitol]

  1. Wouldn’t That Look Nice [In The Lounge]
  2. You Still Believe in Mauve?
  3. That’s Not Mauve
  4. Don’t Talk (Buy Another Couch or a Lounger)
  5. I’m Waiting For The Day (I Can Afford To Shop At Weatherly’s)
  6. Let’s Go Sit On That Couch For Awhile
  7. Slouched John B. (Waits At The Till)
  8. God Only Knows (We’ll Regret All These Purchases Later)
  9. I Know There’s A Matching Wingback!
  10. (That Colourscheme Is) Here To Stay
  11. I Just Wasn’t Made To Buy Furniture
  12. Pets On The Couch
  13. Caroline, No (I’d Rather Buy A Trumpet Than A Carpet)

Forget love. Forget loss. Forget the loss of innocence. Forget all of that nonsense! You don’t need to worry about that bollocks when there’s furniture shopping to be done, couches to be bought, curtains to measure. Buy, Buy, Buy! Transact, consume, collect up stuff to gather dust. The Beach Boys bring it all home in their classic Joshua Doore. We certainly do have an uncle in the furniture business!

 


 

Baby Tuckoo

In the cold, cold night a boy was birthed. A flash of white noise; nearby televisions sparked; then returned to normal. Viewer’s wrongly put it down to electrical storm interference. The boy entered the machine. He’s been trying to escape ever since.

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